So, I’ve stated numerous times that this country and job allows too much time for contemplation, too much time to dwell on the thoughts that you would normally brush off and push to the back of your mind. Minor nuisances haunt your thoughts, and the monotony of it all just enhances the focus on the minute and insignificant.
So after my little Christmas Holidays Trip to Balad Hospital, I find myself on 1 Week Administrative Duty Profile, translated for those not in the military: I can do paperwork only for the next week, I’m not allowed to wear my gear, think about wearing my gear, go on convoys, missions, or pull guard duty. So that leaves me…sitting in my tent for the majority of the day (I’m on day 1 of the profile mind you) twiddling my thumbs, watching every movie I own, and letting 1 million random thoughts race through my mind. Some guys would love for a profile like this, personally I think it sucks; but I’m also a big fan of not killing myself and vomiting blood scared the crap out of me.
I digress a lot and end up rambling in these posts, so back to the point I was making regarding my focus and it’s resting point on inane ideas that pass through my mind randomly. I sit there and I begin to worry about this or that, or maybe I should have done this instead of pursued that course of action, maybe I should have said this instead of that. I replay the past in my mind so often, that I have seen every possible outcome without having experienced it. Hindsight is 20/20 and it’s annoying.
Anyways, a friend of mine commented on how my last blog ended on a rather chipper note, and asked me whether it was the Morphine or did I have an epiphany, a personal revelation of sorts; because as you can see reading this blog, I am fairly sarcastic and cynical, optimism is definitely not a word one would use when describing me. And I thought about it, when I wrote that blog, the morphine was wearing off, but I did have a sort of personal revelation in the hospital…things get better, time moves on, regardless of change and how the familiar becomes the unfamiliar, I am still here and I am still living.
False Motivation To The End.