So my Wife and I just celebrated our 1 year anniverssary last night, and it got me thinking about how long a year is, how fast it goes by, and how many things can go wrong/right in that time. So here’s a short simple list of words of wisdom for newly married soldiers.
- This advice is one of the most important I can offer: never go to bed angry. Resolve your argument before you go to sleep, leaving it to brew and fade just builds resentment. Even if it comes to agreeing to disagree, it’s best to be on peaceful terms when you go to sleep.
- Take notice of the little things your new spouse does for you, do not take them for granted. As soldiers it is so easy for us to go about our lives missing small things around the home, because we are so preoccupied with work (training, deployment, pt, etc…). For instance my wife regularly folds my laundry and organizes it in my drawers (me I just throw it in the drawer, ha ha). For a while I paid no notice, and it bothered her. She was doing it for me, a small sign of affection. Take note.
- Sex is not love. Often times when young adults get married, they assume that sex is going to be a nightly thing…because that’s what love is…right? Negative. Don’t compare sex to love, don’t get upset when she’s not in the mood, don’t assume she doesn’t find you attractive.
- It’s a cliche, it sounds cheesy but it’s true: Fight FOR Your Marriage. Don’t fight to prove YOUR point, if you’re fighting, make sure that the overall point is to improve your relationship, to fix something that you feel is awry.
- Finances, it’s something that was hard for me. You’ve got to get past the idea of your money and her/his money. You’ve got to get past the idea that you’re going to have a lot of money to play with, 2 mouths to feed, a roof to pay for, even with BAH and BAS added in you’re not going to make enough to eat out all the time, to go to the bars/clubs, you’ve got to start a savings plan; because things go wrong…a lot.
- Remember that your spouse isn’t a soldier, they don’t want to hear the military lingo, they don’t want orders barked at them, and they are not going to prepare for a deployment/field problem the way that you do. Take time to insure that they’re ready emotionally and mentally.
There’s so much more advice I could give, but these are the most important that come to mind. Also remember this is really geared towards a male soldier and his female spouse.
So Happy Anniverssary to my wonderful wife, and to the rest of you: Stay Motivated.
-TS-
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