FalseMotivation

Yes I got bored enough to slightly re-write/tweak the famed Christmas Poem, hope you all enjoy it and have a merry christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Iraq,
my unit was on patrol, wtf is up with that?
Our vics were staged on a road nearby with care,
In hopes that RTB we would soon hear

The drivers were nestled all snug in their holes
While visions of the dfac danced in their domes
And the PL in his ACS, and me in my poly
Had just settled down for a long kle

When out in sector there arose such a clatter
We sprang from our seats to see what was the matter
Away to the sound the vics flew like a flash
And scanned their sectors, just praying for the chance

The moon on the breast of the feces filled canal
Gave the lustre of mid day all around
When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But an effin sleigh, and 8 tiny reindeer

With a little old driver, so lively and quick
We thought for a moment the DFac had made us sick
More rapid thank rockets his coursers they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!  On Comet!
On Cupid, On Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of that house, at the following grid!
Aww crap! Seems we’ve been spotted, dash away quick!”

As dry leaves that before a speeding stryker fly
When they met with our roadblocks, they mount to the sky
So up to the house top we silently moved
And saw the sleigh full of toys, and that fat guy in a red suit

And then in a twinkling, we heard on the roof, the prancing
and pawing of each little hoof.  As I drew in my head and was
turning around.
Santa battle drill 6′d his way into the house
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with dust, and reindeer poop

A bundle of goodies he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a hadj trying to peddle some crap
But his eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like lasers, and his nose like a cherry.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And the beard on his chin was white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoked it smelled like it might be weed.

He had a broad face, and a little round belly
No way he passed his last pt test, and he was kinda smelly
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf
And I couldn’t help but laugh, in spite of myself

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head
Soon let me know that I had nothing to dread
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all of our ruck sacks, and then turned with a jerk
And laying his finger aside of his nose
and giving a nod back up the stairs he rose

He sprang to his sleigh, and gave his team a whistle
And away they all flew like a patriot missile
But I heard him yell, as he flew out of sight
“Merry Christmas to all, and your mission’s been extended tonight!”

[Legend: RTB - Return to Base, WTF - what the (badword), PL - Platoon Leader, ACS - Army Combat Shirt, Poly - PolyPro cold weather gear, Battle Drill 6 - Enter and Clear a Room/House]

EDIT: I dug back into the archives and brought out the old christmas carol post, where a friend and I ad libbed some christmas favorites deployment style last tour, enjoy:

The US Infantry Is In Town

Ohhhh, you better watch out, you better not try
You better not blow shit up, I’m telling you why
The US Infantry’s in town!

We see you when you’re sleeping
We know when you’re awake
We know if you’re AQI, so run for goodness sake!

Ohhhh, you better watch out, you better not try
You better not blow shit up, I’m telling you why
The US Infantry’s in town!

Hadji Got Run Over By A Stryker

Hadji got run over by a Stryker
Planting a bomb on Christmas Eve
You may say they’re just Insurgents
But they’re just roadkill to me

He’d been reading the Koran
And he thought he had a plan
But he hadn’t counted on the fact
That we’d pound him into the sand

Hadji got run over by a Stryker
Planting a bomb on Christmas Eve
You may say they’re just Insurgents
But they’re just roadkill to me

When the IA found him Christmas morning
At the scene of his attack
There were Stryker Tracks on his forehead
And .50 Cal rounds in his back

Hadji got run over by a Stryker
Planting a bomb on Christmas Eve
You may say they’re just Insurgents
But they’re just roadkill to me